Rimming 101

Anilingus. Rimming. Tossing salad. Eating ass. Rim job. We might as well call it the Promised Land. Everyone is curious, we all have questions we’re afraid to ask, and unless you just go for it, you're going to miss out. Anyone who doesn't like eating ass or having their own feasted upon is simply doing it wrong. There is no other way they could be not enjoying this. Here are a few easy tips to prepare for and enjoy rimming.

What is rimming and why should I try it?

Rimming is the act of using one's tongue to lick/ stimulate a partner's anus for sexual pleasure.

Your bum is a highly erogenous zone with a plethora of nerve endings. Because the pelvic floor is connected to the D or V, prostate (for those with one), and A, all of these contract in unison when you climax. Are you familiar with how it feels to have the nape of your neck or your lower stomach kissed? Well, when you have your bum “eaten” or rimmed (AKA analingus), it’s like that multiplied by a thousand. External butt play may also be a good stepping stone to getting into full backdoor play, as it’s not as traumatic, but just as enjoyable (and sometimes even more if done right).

Why do people enjoy rimming?

The main reason why men and women enjoy rimming is due to the countless number of erotic nerve endings located at the anal opening. And stimulating them with your mouth or tongue, as anyone who has enjoyed oral sex knows, can provide a lot of different sensations. People also enjoy rimming because it can create a feeling of deep connection with a partner, or because it has an even bigger sense of the taboo.

What’s the best way to enjoy rimming?

You can switch up the position, depending on what you like-on your back, on all fours, or on your stomach-all of these positions will give the rimmer a direct shot at your anus. You can even sit on their face! Sometimes it’s nice to give your partner a helping hand by spreading your cheeks while they dive in. And don’t forget to pay attention to other areas-the taint is super sensitive (for guys), as are the inner thighs and hip flexors. It’s such a sensitive part of the body, so try licking it (like a lollipop), brushing delicately by it, blowing warm or cool air on it, or even making out with it-the sensations are breathtaking.

Is rimming safe?

When it comes to rimming, it's always wise to be a bit more cautious about hygiene.

You can reduce the risk of rimming close to zero with the right prep. And that's why we've dedicated an entire section on anal hygiene and safety at the bottom part of this guide.

The primary risks involved in rimming are your standard STD’s (like Hepatitis A, Herpes, HPV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Salmonella, Giardia, Amoebas, Shigella and others), as well as bacterial infections (e.coli, salmonella). Giardia, a microscopic parasite that is passed through feces, and other parasites can also be present. Here are a few tips to help keep things safe:

• Practice good hygiene by cleaning the external bum region, as well as just inside your body (some people have extraordinarily long tongues!). This will help lower your incidence of infections.
• Avoid rimming if you or your partner has been sick or experiencing symptoms of a possible stomach bug and, of course, if either of you has an active STD.
• Afterward, be sure to shower and/or rinse off any part of your body that you are engaged with and use Listerine (only the real stuff) to help to lower certain STD transmissions.
• Stay away from baby wipes because they may encourage irritation in these areas.
• Make sure you visit your primary doc routinely for full oral and bum evaluations.
• If you still don’t feel like the above precautions aren’t enough, remember there’s always a dental dam!

Part of what makes this tricky is that it’s possible for someone to have an intestinal bug and not have any symptoms (or not notice their symptoms), but they can still pass it along to someone else.

Some people manage their risk by limiting who they engage in rimming with. For example, if you live with a partner, you’re more likely to know if their digestive system is acting up a bit. That would be a good time to avoid rimming until you have more confidence that it isn’t a case of food poisoning.

With a casual partner or someone you don’t know as well, you might not have all the info to make a clear choice.

Whatever you decide, it’s good to check in with your partner and make sure they’re on board. And if either of you is feeling nervous or uncomfortable, turn a glove into a dental dam, and then you can have all the fun without worrying about it.

Can you get HIV from rimming?

NAM, a trusted organization that shares information about HIV and AIDS, wrote the following: Rimming is considered a negligible-risk activity for HIV transmission. There is a theoretical risk that the presence of blood in the rectum (for instance as a result of fingering, fisting, having intercourse with or use of sex toys) may present a risk of infection for the person doing the rimming. Faeces may contain traces of blood containing HIV, and HIV infection of parasites found in faeces has been demonstrated in the laboratory. It is also possible that blood may be introduced into the rectum by the tongue, from bleeding gums. One case has been reported where a man rimming another man may have infected his partner by this route. The man who was infected was rimmed by an HIV-infected partner who is speculated to have had gum disease.¹ There are no other reported cases of infection or likely infection through rimming. Any minimal risk that might be present can be further reduced by using latex barriers such as dental dams.

Ready to dive in?

While some people may be turned off at the idea of putting your tongue down there, if you take the proper precautions, it’s worth exploring. Most people say the experience is like nothing else they can describe. It can make your toes curl and your body shudder (in a good way, of course) and it’s also an act that can help bring you closer to your partner because what’s more intimate than this? Try it. You may love it.

How can I convince my boyfriend or girlfriend to try rimming?

The key to rimming and great anal play is communication. And if your partner has already said that they're willing to give/ receive a rim job, that conversation will probably be pretty easy.

New to anal play and not sure what to say?

Don't Make Anal A Surprise

The most important thing to remember is to never surprise someone with anal play. While many people love anal sex and would enjoy adding it to their sexual repertoire, not everyone does. Some people have never tried it. Some people have tried it and it didn't work out. Some people have tried it and had discomfort or pain. Some people have had partners pressure them into it. And unfortunately, some people have experienced sexual trauma with anal play. If you just go for it without talking first, there’s a possibility that the entire experience will be a train wreck.

The best time to bring up the topic is when you aren’t having sex. If your partner isn’t into anal play, for any reason, that talk will be a lot easier when there isn’t a lot of erotic energy going on. One good way to lead up to the conversation is to say something like:

* I'm sort of curious about anal sex and I've been reading about it online. Is that something that you'd be interested in exploring?
* I enjoy anal play and I'm wondering if you do too?
* If you're into it, I'd enjoy trying anal play with you.
* I've been fantasizing about anal sex and I would really like to experience that with you.

These are more neutral ways to introduce the topic without creating pressure. Pleasurable anal play is all about helping the receiver relax. You can start by talking about it in a low-stakes way.

Give Them Time to Think About It

Some folks will be an enthusiastic yes. But others might need some time to think about it, especially if they've had uncomfortable experiences in the past. If their answer isn’t an immediate yes, tell your partner that you don't want to pressure them at all. Ask them if they’d like to take some time to decide.

Be sure to give them that time. Don’t rush them and don’t try to “accidentally” include anal play when you have sex with them. You might find it easier to pick a time to circle back and see how they feel. Give them a few days or maybe a week before raising the topic again. Or pick a time together to come back to the conversation.

Offer Them Info on Anal Play

One of the most common reasons for uncomfortable or painful anal play is not knowing how to do it right. You can offer your partner a lot of reassurance during your anal talk by telling them that you've been doing your research.

If They Say No To Anal

It can be disappointing if your partner decides that they don't want to try anal play. That feeling is totally understandable, and it’s important to not let that damage your relationship. If your partner isn’t into anal sex, do your best to not pressure them or try to convince them to change their mind. That’s far more likely to cause problems than improve things.

The best thing you can do is thank them for being honest with you about what they want. You can also ask them to tell you what it is about anal play that makes them not want to try it. There might be some middle ground or problem solving to be done.

For example, if your partner says that they’ve tried anal sex and it hurt, you can let them know that you’re also interested in exploring external touch, without any penetration. If they’re concerned about hygiene, you can read about how to manage that in the Expert Advice section on the b-Vibe website. Finding an answer to address their concerns will be a lot easier if you can avoid pressuring them.

Of course, that won’t work in every situation. If your partner has a firm limit around anal play, the best thing to do is accept that and look for other ways to enjoy sex together. Remember- there are lots of ways to have sex and anal play is only one option.

If They Say Yes To Anal

If your partner is up for trying anal play, there are still things to talk about first. Here are some good questions to ask them:

* Have you done it before? What did you like or dislike about it?

These kinds of questions will give you some useful info about your partner’s desires. For example, if anal play turns them on because it feels taboo to them, that’s different from enjoying it because of the physical sensations. The more you know about why your partner wants to have anal sex, and the more you can tell them about why you want to do it, the more you can create an experience that will leave you both smiling.

It’s also good to make sure that their “yes” means “I definitely want to do this” rather than “I don’t really want to, but I’ll go along with it.” Going along with it can make any kind of sex feel less successful, but it’s especially likely to make anal play not work. The body won’t respond in a pleasurable manner if they don't really mean “oh, yes!” And if you pressure them or get upset about it, it’s only going to make it worse. Anal sex is always much more fun when both people are fully enjoying it.

How should I prepare to be rimmed?

• First things first: Clean up. This one’s obvious and it's what everyone is afraid of. Just make sure you keep yourself clean. Before any anal play, use soap and water with a hand cloth to freshen up. I'm not just talking a dry toilet paper swipe; you might be surprised and embarrassed if that's all you do. Make sure you've recently had a bowel movement before you begin play time, unless you are very regular and know there won't be surprises. Politely decline if you're feeling sick or gassy; there will be plenty of other opportunities. You can even make a hot shower or bubble bath part of the foreplay if you'd like; that will build everyone’s confidence about cleanliness.
• Second, you should consider grooming. Everyone’s taste is different — some people prefer a natural bush, while others prefer a completely smooth hole. If you or your partner(s) desire the latter, you should consider laser hair removal. We prefer this method instead of regularly shaving, sugaring, using Nair, or waxing. The microtrauma those methods cause to your bum can actually initiate local dermatitis and HPV activity. This can lead to skin tags and other growths. Keep trimmed. If you have a particularly hairy booty, keep it groomed. We don't like to judge in the body hair department, you do your thing! But if you're anti-hair removal and have more than the average God’s gift of body hair, you might consider not participating or at least being VERY THOROUGH in step 1.
  

• Tease a little. If we’re being honest, rimming is often the loosening-up stage before anal sex, but going right for rimming can be a little shocking too. Begin by reaching behind your partner during foreplay and kissing and lightly fingering and caressing the asshole. This will work even with partners who've failed to have the conversation - it feels so pleasurable they'll want more, and it will relax them first.
  
  

• Spread ‘em. 

  Hold your legs back so there’s easier access, and let your partner spread your cheeks and push you into the position he or she needs to go. You'll want plenty of room for all the exploration your partner can handle. The position you want to take, on your knees or back, really depends on preference. I prefer my back and all-fours doesn't really work as far as the receiver’s stimulation, but many like to be kneeling. Rest your upper body against a chair back or something else sturdy while on your knees and sticking your booty into the air.

• Don’t forget the details! Listen, rimming is a universally enjoyed activity no matter what gender you identify as or what parts you carry. If you're rimming your man, don't forget his balls and his dick. Cradle his balls and suck on them. Lick, kiss, suck and touch his cock too. For the ladies, be a little more careful as ass-to-vaginal play can cause nasty painful infections, but massage and finger the goods while you're orally satisfying below.

Anal hygiene and safety

One of the most common worries people have about rimming is the presence of fecal matter. You and your partner must understand that a little poop can happen and that it's completely natural.

We mentioned earlier that it's absolutely paramount to be a bit more cautious about anal hygiene. For obvious reasons, rimming does increase the possibility of coming into contact with bacteria.

Thankfully, there are 3 simple tips that sexual health and medical professionals agree upon on how to give a safe rim job:

1. Clean up.

• First, have the receiver wash well before hand. Use soap and a washcloth, and make sure you do a thorough job. If you don't have time for a shower, you can also use a hypoallergenic, unscented baby wipe.

2. Keep your tongue focused on the outside.

We illustrated in one of our rimming techniques that you can push the tip of your tongue inside. You can, but ideally, you should keep your rimming fun focused on the outside of the anus.

Stimulating the rim, rather than pushing your tongue into the anal canal will significantly lower the chances of coming into contact with bacteria.

What are the best positions for rimming?

One of the top positions for rimming includes having the receiver on their back.
It’ll help if they have a pillow under their hips and if they bring their knees up to their chest. That gives maximum access, especially if the receiver is on a bed and the giver is kneeling on the floor.

Like A Doggy: This position most resembles doggystyle. You just need your man to get on his hands and knees on the bed. To make it even easier, get him to lie on his chest while still on his knees so he is pushing his ass into the air. This position is the most comfortable for your man. You can also try it from behind, with the receiver on their elbows and knees or bent over the bed.

Or try it with the giver lying on their back and the receiver straddling their face. It all depends on what works for your bodies.

Grab Them Ankles: Some guys will find this rim job position a bit uncomfortable, but it can be very enjoyable if done correctly. Get your man to simply stand up and then bend over so that he is grabbing his ankles. It’s fine for him to bend his knees to make it more comfortable.

Grab Them Ankles (Lying Down): This anilingus position is very similar to the regular Grab Them Ankles position. All you man needs to do is to lie down on his back while grabbing his ankles. This will make it very easy for you to give him a handjob while tossing his salad at the same time.

What are the best rimming techniques?

As with blowjobs, you’ve got a few different choices when it comes to rimming moves.

Try making your tongue soft and lick across the entire anus, as if you were eating an ice cream cone.

One of the best moves for rimming is to swirl the tip in a circle around the opening.

You can flick the tip up and down, right over the opening.

Or try licking up one side of the anus, in a sort of semicircle, and then do the same on the other side.

You can even push the tip of your tongue into the opening of the anus if you want.

Try different amounts of pressure, or experiment with using the tip of the tongue and then the flat surface.

Pay attention to the changes in the anus itself. When the receiver gets more aroused or when you find a move that really works for them, you might notice that the anus relaxes and expands a little bit. The pelvic floor might also relax and drop down towards your mouth. That’s a good sign that their body is getting more turned on.